Trick or Treat Tankard

Parenting's scary enough. Pour accordingly. If tricks are for kids, treats are for the adults—the ones pulling chaperone duty all night, pretending to inspect candy for “safety” just to stash the good stuff for later.  You’ve earned this mug—and whatever’s inside it. Fill it to the brim, sip in the silence you wished for all night and let the sugar crash happen to someone else.