Purple Owie Award (fake Purple Heart)

Now You Too Can Have John Kerry’s Purple Owie Award Got a paper cut? Painful hangnail? Hemorrhoids? Indigestion? A Pimple? You qualify for a Purple Owie Award Item Number — FC-47 Some people don’t know if they like John Kerry or not. He doesn’t seem to have a lot to say. Why? Because he’s too busy boasting about his Purple Heart. For a guy who couldn’t wait to cut the thing up in public after Vietnam, he sure likes to work it into conversation when he thinks it’ll pull in a few votes. Make up your mind, John! Either you’re proud of the thing or you’re not! We have questions about the severity of John’s “wounds” for which he received his Purple Heart(s). We sort of wish the United States Armed Forces wouldn’t hand the real ones out like candy. A Purple Heart should be a serious award. It means the recipient has put it all on the line for his country (you and us), and almost lost the game. We feel that when Purple Hearts are given out like aspirin, it detracts from the value of the award