How Not to Become a Little Old Lady by Mary McHugh

You can be little, and you can be old, but that doesn’t mean you have to become a little old lady.  We've all seen her. She's hunched forward, her blue hair is tucked neatly under a plastic rain bonnet, she's clutching expired coupons, and she's discussing her latest health problems over lunch. She's a little old lady . . . and she's coming your way at 2 m.p.h. Little old ladies have elastic waistbands on all their slacks. They save rubber bands, remember 15-cent McDonald's hamburgers, and have never seen a public rest room that was clean enough.