Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse--And Freeing Yourself from Its Power by Wade Mullen

"A beacon of truth and wisdom for the abused and a help in their healing." --Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer, authors of A Church Called Tov "Reading this book . . . will change you forever, for the better." --Rachael Denhollander, speaker, victim advocate, and author of What Is a Girl Worth? "Sincerely thoughtful, incredibly practical, and truly compassionate book on abusive systems and the consequences of cover-ups." --Christina Edmondson, PhD, cohost of Truth's Table podcast "Am I the only one who sees this--am I just imagining things? Is something wrong with me . . . or could this be abuse?" Maybe you don't know for sure: all you know is something feels off when you think about a certain relationship or interaction with an institution or organization. You feel alone and confused--but calling it "abuse" feels extreme and unsettling, a label for what happens to other people but not you. Yet you can't shake the feeling: something's not right. In his debut book, researcher and advocate Wade Mullen introduces us to the groundbreaking world of impression management--the strategies that individuals and organizations utilize to gain power and cover up their wrongdoings. Mullen reveals a pattern that accompanies many types of abuse, almost as if abusers are somehow reading from the same playbook. If we can learn to decode these evil methods--if we can learn the language of abuse--we can help stop the cycle and make abusers less effective at accomplishing destruction in our lives. Combining years of study with deep compassion and personal experience, Wade Mullen gives readers: Tools for identifying subtle markers of abuse The confidence to cast off shame and champion the changes needed for yourself and others A list of resources available to survivors of different kinds of abuse and trauma--including spiritual abuse, domestic violence, and workplace abuse Something's Not Right will help you to identify and describe tactics that were previously unidentifiable and indescribable, and it will give you the language you need to move toward freedom and create a safer future for yourself and others. I first met Wade Mullen where this book begins, during his first steps of a journey to understand and free himself from an abusive church and its leadership. In the time since, I've witnessed God's voice speaking through Wade to research, identify, and call out abusive systems and to advocate for victims and survivors. Something's Not Right offers a balm for the abused, a platform to hear their stories, and a pathway for the church to stand by their side. If you are a victim of abuse, this book will identify the tactics of manipulation and misuse of power you have suffered from, giving you a language to name and confront that sin. If you are a pastor or Christian leader, your eyes will be opened to the overt and nuanced ways abusers sow deceit and doubt in you, co-opting you into silence (often unwittingly) at the very time victims need you to speak truth and be the comfort of Christ. This book offers you a glossary to discern and steps to address the scourge of abuse.--Jim Van Yperen, founder and executive director of Metanoia Ministries, a nonprofit ministry serving churches in conflict Something's Not Right is essential reading for every leader. Wade Mullen brilliantly unpacks the game plan organizations often use to manage their image in a crisis and to self-preserve at all costs. This book will change the way you see and think about abuse forever.--Steve Carter, pastor and author of This Invitational Life: Risking Yourself to Align with God's Heartbeat for HumanityWade Mullen has uniquely identified the hidden behaviors of abuse and has demystified the tactics used to hold victims in silent captivity. His research and voice have been an essential component of my own healing journey as well as a pathway forward in dealing with organizational dysfunction. His work is a useful tool for informative and transformative introspection for victims and organizations alike. This profound work offers a path toward authentic forgiveness, healing, and freedom.--Vonda Dyer, survivor, advocate, and CCO of Minerva ConsultingIn his book Something's Not Right, Wade Mullen brings insights, research-based knowledge, and clarity to the heavy topic of abuse. His years of work provide readers with a language that gives voice to those who have been silenced by abuse. He unpacks a vocabulary that can help individuals identify and articulate tactics abusers use. While he vulnerably shares his own journey of navigating abuse, he also provides a stunning picture of hope for the reconciliation and restoration that is always possible. This book is a must-read for those who have navigated abuse, anyone who helps survivors find healing, and leaders who steward churches and organizations that want to safeguard their cultures and systems from abuse.--Keri Ladouceur, pastor of Vineyard Christian Church, founder of New Ground Network, silence breaker, and survivor Wade's work in communication theory is a must read for survivors, institutional leaders, and everyone. In a powerful, easy-to-grasp book, Wade distills the strategies and communication tools abusers use to manipulate, abuse, and resist accountability and transparency. Understanding these dynamics empowers survivors to recognize and name what they have experienced and empowers all of us to identify and stand against abusers and abusive organizations. Reading this book and evaluating leaders and ministries with this knowledge will change you forever, for the better.--Rachael Denhollander, speaker, victim advocate, and author of What Is a Girl Worth?: My Story of Breaking the Silence and Exposing the Truth about Larry Nassar and USA GymnasticsSomething's Not Right is a beacon of truth and wisdom for the abused and a help in their healing. It is a warning about power mismanagement as well as a guide for eradicating evil from our churches. Wade Mullen's expertise provides a window into the insidious language of abuse and impression-management strategies so often present among church leaders.--Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer, authors of A Church Called Tov: Forming a Goodness Culture That Resists Abuses of Power and Promotes HealingMullen offers us a sincerely thoughtful, incredibly practical, and truly compassionate book on abusive systems and the consequences of cover-ups. Full of relatable examples and opportunities to tend to one's own pain from abusive systems while leaving room for self-evaluation, this book holds up an overdue mirror. Mullen vulnerably relates to the reader, offering us a glimpse into his own experiences with toxic leadership, and moreover equips us to recognize patterns of organizational abuse and what repentance actually looks like in such instances. I cannot recommend this accessible book strongly enough to anyone considering leadership in the church, society, or politics. I will be making it required reading for teams and organizations that I work with going forward.--Christina Edmondson, PhD, diversity strategy and team ethics consultant, instructor at Calvin University, and cohost of Truth's Table podcastWade's work is essential reading for our growing understanding of toxic and abusive systems. His deep experience and profound insights will provide clarity for those who are confused and pave a pathway for a necessary reckoning and the ultimate healing we long for.--Chuck DeGroat, professor of pastoral care at Western Theological Seminary and author of When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual AbuseWade Mullen is one of the most important voices in evangelicalism right now. His experience and research into Christian institutions and how they can and do enable abusers is vital reading for anyone who wants to be an advocate for survivors--or to gain an understanding of what makes so many of us culpable in protecting power. Mullen uses real stories, extensive research, and gentle truth telling to highlight what is possibly the most pressing issue facing the church today: How can we stop the epidemic of abuse within our sacred institutions?--D. L. Mayfield, author and neighbor Wade Mullen, Phd, is a professor, researcher, and advocate working to help those trapped in the confusion and captivity that mark abusive situations. His personal experiences and ongoing research enable him to write with both care and expertise. Tyndale Mountain Pub Date: October 6, 2020 0.7" H x 8.2" L x 5.5" W 240 pages Paperback