dissociation

27 x 50 x 2.5 plaster + ink + oil + concrete + sand + acrylic + pearl mika + ground crystal quartz housed in a hand-crafted poplar wood floating frame-stained espresso.  One of the hardest parts of healing has been reflecting on the years of disconnection and dissociation that was mistaken for recovery. The further I pushed back the memories in my body/mind, the more delusional I became. I confused avoidance with progressive healing. I kept putting off the work and enabled unhealthy toxic core beliefs that were deeply embedded into my subconscious, ruling all my behaviors and reactions. The unhealthy coping methods that developed were destructive behaviors like pushing people away, people pleasing, isolation, overworking, unhealthy compulsive self-soothing gratifications, numbing with substances, eating disorders, fear of abandonment, and self-sabotage. I reacted out of fear of being hurt, fear of not being good enough, fear of failure, fear of vulnerability, fear of being loved, and t