Lana Del Rey... Banana Del Rey

(Before I share my review and tale of woe and whoa!, let me mention this is a double vinyl record, because that is how Lana Del Rolls...) My story starts simply: like this. I had a girlfriend once and, as one does, I loved her too much.  I had asked her to marry me twice, and, after the second time, she said yes. She said she wanted to make sure I meant it.  She was my guiding light, my life force, my motorcycle helmet. Whenever I needed help, even with my college homework -- I majored in Gender Studies with a minor in Cosmetology-- she would always drop what she was doing to help me. I was her devoted cocker spaniel. I had never even thought about being with other women.  But all of that changed when I found the double vinyl.   I never thought of myself as a shallow person. I was a young man who was passionate and driven, but never shallow, so when this happened, I knew it was for real. I was doing my Sunday shopping at the local Farmers' Market, strategically located between the Evan