1990 24x30

I can still smell the stale cigarettes so strong it’s like a taste in my mouth. The butts in a heavy clear crystal circle ashtray, filled to the top. I had a high ponytail on the side of my head, crimped. I dreamed of being Madonna, spinning in circles in my driveway in the dark singing out loud to my favorite song, Like a Prayer.  My mom wore shoulder pads and had a perm. They had a huge stacked stereo system, one where the volume lit up in green light. I am 7. For fun, I make a pitcher of blue kool-aid that turns green when it’s cold but I make it with two packets, not one, drink the whole thing, and dance to Billy Joel, we didn’t start the fire. I still know every word to that song. I dreamed of being an adult someday so I could drive a teal trans am or a jeep-like, my uncle. I wanted long pink fingernails, big hair, to live by the ocean, and to be a teenage fashion designer like Sue Ellen in Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter's Dead.  Halloween was and is still my favorite holiday. I