BACK 2 SKOOL KIT

What's that swath of sloth you see next to the English Department? You mean that viscous puddle of profound indifference? That's a yawn of coeds thrown up on the campus lawn. Oh yes, it’s Back 2 Skool Thyme y’all--cheers to another semester of drinking away your Daddy's money between bouts of awkward yet well-intended fellatio. Because we here at Shipadick ( PHD, Fulbright Scholar) know too well the rigors of modern Academia, we’ve cum to your rescue again with the SAD Back 2 Skool Survival Kit. So put down that guitar you don't know how to play, light some shitty incense and look at me when I speak. Yes, I’m talking to you, you goodfornothing, smartphone-humping, helpless millennial. Contents include: One neon acrylic dick ruler (History lesson!--most rulers are dicks) Three dick pens (Impress all the cute subversive bookworms by insisting on hand-writing all your papers in cursive ‘cuz your thoughts just totally flow better that way) Two dick koozies (Keep your beer cold or your dick