The Panty Rose Dick

 In this Tinderfied world of instant hookups and lethargic handies, authentic heartfelt gestures have grown decidedly scarce. Benevolent boners and valiant vaginas have been subsumed by crude clit pics & eggplant emojis. Even the The Hot Carl, once considered to be the most sincere and natural form of love-making has been reduced to a crude Waffle Stomp with little or no butt play attached. Consequently, we here at Ship A Dick, have decided to put the hole back into Wholesome this Valentine’s Day. No longer will you robotically gyrate through a hurried fingerbang, for we have created a product so gooey and sentimental, Hallmark’s trying to make it into a shitty movie. Without further ado, behold, the Panty Rose. From afar, it’s a tender symbol of love and devotion. However, a closer inspection reveals its sultry secret–a little heavy petting will transform this rose into a bra-dropping brouhaha of L-O-V-E. Yes, my naive love soldiers, this rose doubles as pantyhose. So throw out th